Sebastian Conway may be rugged, rich, gorgeous and a genuinely pleasant chap, but he lacks a basic grasp of the differences between ghosts and witches. Half-way through Susanne James' 2009 Mills & Boon stocking filler, The Playboy of Pengarroth Hall, the reader is treated to one of the most absurd romantic statements ever to grace the pages of a genre seemingly committed to putting absurd statements on paper. Did you notice Susanne James has a new book out this year entitled The Master of Highbridge Manor? Someone might want to check into whether all she's done is change the names of the characters and locations. Sometimes that seems to be a worthwhile idea for dealing with these reviews.
Anyway, back to The Hustler of the High Society Penthouse. It was something like that. Sebastian Conway is the titular playboy of the titular house. However, for the sake of clarity, allow me to explain why this title is misleading. Firstly, Sebastian is no longer a playboy and he does not live at Pengarroth Hall. In fact, Seb (to his friends. Hi, Seb!) has not dated since his bitter break-up with a woman whose name is not important. He trusted her, foolishly, and like a fool had his foolhardy heart broken by this girl, who turned out to work as a prostitute. Oh, that is so something that happens. Since then Seb has become an obdurate jerk, only wanting to finish up his business in London as a lawyer (Sebastian is also a lawyer) and retire to his country estate, the upkeep of which is a full-time job in itself.
There has never been a more stereotypical Mills & Boon hero than Sebastian Conway. First off, his name is Sebastian. Furthermore, he's a lawyer, hugely respected, successful and wealthy. He's curt and difficult at first, but later revealed to be warm, kind and humorous. He owns a giant house. The most striking Mills & Boon element about him, however, is that when he falls in love he falls immediately and then spends two hundred pages not doing anything about it. He's perfect! Gawd, you guys, do we know any single ladies who would be suitable for Sebastian? Perhaps a feisty yet charming, smart but sexy, twenty-something who knows what she wants, but once she has found it has to spend two-hundred pages realising something she already knows through a series of plot contrivances that only appear in the thought processes of the characters. You do? That seems unlikely, but go on...
Well, you know Sebastian's sister Mia? Sure you do, she's introduced at the beginning of the book and gives the reader this unbelievably honest appraisal of her and her brother's history. 'For both our parents to die so unexpectedly, four years ago, before either of them had reached sixty, was a dreadful shock.' Yes, that so sounds like something someone would say. Good news, fate fans, because Mia has invited a bunch of work colleagues to Pengarroth Hall for Christmas (Themed! Eep). Besides her work colleagues she has also invited her best friend along, Fleur Carpenter, a hard-working and dedicated scientist. What Fleur's science work entails is left as vague as Seb's law work, because Susanne James clearly doesn't understand either profession. Never mind that though, because it's Christmas! And then New Year! And then January... For reasons never explained the seasonal setting has nothing to do with the story. Mia's work colleagues do not appear in the book, Mia disappears back to London very quickly and soon enough Fleur is alone at Pengarroth Hall with only a handful of poorly-described secondary characters to talk with.
Anyway, back to The Hustler of the High Society Penthouse. It was something like that. Sebastian Conway is the titular playboy of the titular house. However, for the sake of clarity, allow me to explain why this title is misleading. Firstly, Sebastian is no longer a playboy and he does not live at Pengarroth Hall. In fact, Seb (to his friends. Hi, Seb!) has not dated since his bitter break-up with a woman whose name is not important. He trusted her, foolishly, and like a fool had his foolhardy heart broken by this girl, who turned out to work as a prostitute. Oh, that is so something that happens. Since then Seb has become an obdurate jerk, only wanting to finish up his business in London as a lawyer (Sebastian is also a lawyer) and retire to his country estate, the upkeep of which is a full-time job in itself.
There has never been a more stereotypical Mills & Boon hero than Sebastian Conway. First off, his name is Sebastian. Furthermore, he's a lawyer, hugely respected, successful and wealthy. He's curt and difficult at first, but later revealed to be warm, kind and humorous. He owns a giant house. The most striking Mills & Boon element about him, however, is that when he falls in love he falls immediately and then spends two hundred pages not doing anything about it. He's perfect! Gawd, you guys, do we know any single ladies who would be suitable for Sebastian? Perhaps a feisty yet charming, smart but sexy, twenty-something who knows what she wants, but once she has found it has to spend two-hundred pages realising something she already knows through a series of plot contrivances that only appear in the thought processes of the characters. You do? That seems unlikely, but go on...
Well, you know Sebastian's sister Mia? Sure you do, she's introduced at the beginning of the book and gives the reader this unbelievably honest appraisal of her and her brother's history. 'For both our parents to die so unexpectedly, four years ago, before either of them had reached sixty, was a dreadful shock.' Yes, that so sounds like something someone would say. Good news, fate fans, because Mia has invited a bunch of work colleagues to Pengarroth Hall for Christmas (Themed! Eep). Besides her work colleagues she has also invited her best friend along, Fleur Carpenter, a hard-working and dedicated scientist. What Fleur's science work entails is left as vague as Seb's law work, because Susanne James clearly doesn't understand either profession. Never mind that though, because it's Christmas! And then New Year! And then January... For reasons never explained the seasonal setting has nothing to do with the story. Mia's work colleagues do not appear in the book, Mia disappears back to London very quickly and soon enough Fleur is alone at Pengarroth Hall with only a handful of poorly-described secondary characters to talk with.
Fleur has taken time off from being intelligent to get over the stress of a difficult and lonely year in the science laboratory. All those sciency things being too much for the poor doll. She just wants to relax and take walks and eat good food. She isn't looking for a relationship, but that hasn't stopped her noticing that Sebastian is really rich, looks great naked and is a really good kisser. Sebastian isn't looking for a relationship either, even though he does want a relationship with Fleur equally as much as she wants a relationship with him. Sounds complicated, doesn't it? Uh-oh, you guys, what have we done? We've only gone and made everything worse!
There are a couple of issues you should have known about before you got involved with Fleur's personal life, dear reader. She has troubles with her demanding, workaholic father, Philip. Fleur pities her mother, not wanting to end up in a marriage where she is controlled by a man, with her dreams forgotten and waylaid by her husband's priorities. That sounds reasonable. No wonder she is reluctant to become involved in a relationship, as this Sebastian sounds like the controlling type? Except no, he's not. He wants Fleur to live her life to the fullest. Yay! The only problem being that he fails to mention this and lets Fleur believe staying single is the only way to remain unhappy. Ooh!
Fleur loves being a science-person. All that scientific stuff with the research and the microscope and wearing goggles, she loves it. Her father is a scientist too and Fleur found herself forced to follow in his footsteps. Fleur actually yearns to be an opera singer, and, through a frankly damnable narrative turn, seizes the opportunity to sing on stage. She sings beautifully, of course, Seb falls even more in love with her, and this issue is supposedly dealt with. With her aspirations of a career in opera-singing momentarily sated, we are left with priorities, such as what Fleur wants and how can she overcome her daddy issues. But how, you ask? With pregnancy, of course! Man, is there nothing pregnancy can't fix? At the book's climax Fleur has given birth to Alexander Sebastian Philip Conway. All the family gathers to marvel over the baby while the proud parents wear thick jumpers and gaze upon their mansion and wealth with glazed eyes. Who cares about Fleur's dreams anymore? She's married with a kid in an isolated house. She's done. We can forget her.
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