Looking for something a tad more sensual, imagine the delight in finding out that Mills & Boon cater specifically for readers who prefer their romance with extra helpings of blandly described sexual acts, often at the expense of story and character development. Whereas Modern Romance covers are blue and have a staged photograph of half-naked models caressing each other on them, Sensual Romances are red and have a staged photograph of half-naked models canoodling on them.
Learning Curves is the debut novel by one Joanne Rock. Thirty more titles have since followed. This Learning Curves isn't to be confused with the hundreds of others, written by women who have noticed the same tame double entendre and decided that idea was strong enough to deserve an entire book. Learning Curves isn't the only Harlequin either, another by Cindi Myers has cropped up and we haven't heard the last from Cindi Myers, the author of Do Me Right, a book surely worth tracking down with all the dedication you would normally expend bringing yourself unhappiness.
In Joanne Rock's Learning Curves, the curves in question belong to Maddy, a virginal graduate student somewhere in the United States. She wants to write her dissertation on human mating rituals, but her application for a grant has been rejected because, in her opinion, she lacks the necessary experience in human mating. In the reader's opinion, of course, her idea is silly and redundant. Instead of rewriting her proposal, Mad (Let's call her Mad, eh?) decides to have a very public affair with campus bad-boy, and part-time lecturer, Cal Turner, thus shattering her good-girl image. She believes this is a smart idea, under-mining the novel's scenario that she is a graduate student.
Of course, Cal (once-divorced) has no intention of having a long-term relationship or a short-term fling. Firstly, he doesn't believe he's capable of love despite his previous marriage, which, for logic to win out, must have been loveless from the get-go. Surely another heavy defeat for logic. Secondly, Cal and Maddy have been friends for years and he doesn't want to risk their friendship for passionate sex with a sexy woman. Right on, guy! Thirdly, Cal is in the process of gaining custody of his teenage sister, and so his womanising image needs cleaning up if he is to win the case.
A public, sexual relationship is a no-no, and who wants a sexual relationship with a sexy woman unless it's out in the open and watched by all, including the university board whom write your cheques? In his spare time Cal owns a franchise of garages, where he works hard, and dotes on his kid sister.He's a true woman's man, always covered in grease. Yeah. He's rich and gorgeous and in love with Maddy. The question lingers, Can two people who love each other find love with each other? Clearly the stakes are high and the obstacles insurmountable. Fortunately Rock has two hundred pages to resolve matters, and by the looks of things, she'll need them!
For those readers who believe Learning Curves doesn't share their one-track mind, Cindi Myers is happy to oblige, somehow cramming more sex into her novels, while maintaining the tedious and painful narrative of a woman falling in love with her ideal man as she sex with him, repeatedly. Wild Child is the third book in the Sex on the Beach trilogy and concerns the sexy exploits of sexy office worker Sara, who, while on vacation on a beach somewhere in the United States, meets the sexy surfer Drew. Sara has trouble working for her Uncle Spence, but he's nice really, while Drew has trouble working with his Grandpa Gus, who's actually lovely, and Drew and Sara bond over trite family issues and being sexy. After exhaustively describing their boring problems to one another they have life-affirming sex in a myriad of places and positions. Him on top, standing, her on top, done. Who knew it could be like this, they ask? Silly them, of course, because with Mills & Boon a romance is never made as straight-forward as it really is, and after two hundred pages of bad dialogue and euphemisms for Sara's vagina, they split despite being in love. Four pages later, though, everything has worked out fine, and they go back to the inane dialogue that they bonded over.
Blaze! supposedly cranks up the sex quota and Wild Child does indeed have more sex scenes than books from other genres, with the added liberty of being allowed to describe matters explicitly. Myers says penis when she means penis and there's even a hand-job in the ocean, under-taken because there are no condoms floating nearby. Obviously this pair holiday at very different beaches to the ones Bewildered Heart visits, for reading and other pleasures. Despite all the sex scenes, however, they are never embedded into the plot with any success, meaning each lengthy example is gratuitous, and never serves the novel beyond helping to achieve Myers' intended word-count. Sara and Drew's implied lifetime of wedded bliss has more to do with trust and empathy and less to do with Drew's inability to contain his throbbing manhood when inside Sara's heavenly warmth.
Sure, we readers appreciate being treated like adults when reading adult fiction, but no one with a discriminating mind will accept this nonsense as either entertaining, worthwhile or an unlikely hybrid of the two. Nothing happens and nothing matters. The issues raised by the characters through their conversations are not dealt with by the narrative. The status quo the story challenges was not worth keeping and is not affected by the decisions of Sara or Drew. If their actions have no impact on the plot why does the writer waste time following their actions? This isn't character-driven, it's forced by structure, as if the principles are stuck inside a romance novel and can't escape. Is this fate? they ask. No, Cindi Myers replies, it's Chapter Twelve so you're in love with each other now. We're racing to the end, and why, because, you stupid author, all you have is an ending.
Learning Curves is the debut novel by one Joanne Rock. Thirty more titles have since followed. This Learning Curves isn't to be confused with the hundreds of others, written by women who have noticed the same tame double entendre and decided that idea was strong enough to deserve an entire book. Learning Curves isn't the only Harlequin either, another by Cindi Myers has cropped up and we haven't heard the last from Cindi Myers, the author of Do Me Right, a book surely worth tracking down with all the dedication you would normally expend bringing yourself unhappiness.
In Joanne Rock's Learning Curves, the curves in question belong to Maddy, a virginal graduate student somewhere in the United States. She wants to write her dissertation on human mating rituals, but her application for a grant has been rejected because, in her opinion, she lacks the necessary experience in human mating. In the reader's opinion, of course, her idea is silly and redundant. Instead of rewriting her proposal, Mad (Let's call her Mad, eh?) decides to have a very public affair with campus bad-boy, and part-time lecturer, Cal Turner, thus shattering her good-girl image. She believes this is a smart idea, under-mining the novel's scenario that she is a graduate student.
Of course, Cal (once-divorced) has no intention of having a long-term relationship or a short-term fling. Firstly, he doesn't believe he's capable of love despite his previous marriage, which, for logic to win out, must have been loveless from the get-go. Surely another heavy defeat for logic. Secondly, Cal and Maddy have been friends for years and he doesn't want to risk their friendship for passionate sex with a sexy woman. Right on, guy! Thirdly, Cal is in the process of gaining custody of his teenage sister, and so his womanising image needs cleaning up if he is to win the case.
A public, sexual relationship is a no-no, and who wants a sexual relationship with a sexy woman unless it's out in the open and watched by all, including the university board whom write your cheques? In his spare time Cal owns a franchise of garages, where he works hard, and dotes on his kid sister.He's a true woman's man, always covered in grease. Yeah. He's rich and gorgeous and in love with Maddy. The question lingers, Can two people who love each other find love with each other? Clearly the stakes are high and the obstacles insurmountable. Fortunately Rock has two hundred pages to resolve matters, and by the looks of things, she'll need them!
For those readers who believe Learning Curves doesn't share their one-track mind, Cindi Myers is happy to oblige, somehow cramming more sex into her novels, while maintaining the tedious and painful narrative of a woman falling in love with her ideal man as she sex with him, repeatedly. Wild Child is the third book in the Sex on the Beach trilogy and concerns the sexy exploits of sexy office worker Sara, who, while on vacation on a beach somewhere in the United States, meets the sexy surfer Drew. Sara has trouble working for her Uncle Spence, but he's nice really, while Drew has trouble working with his Grandpa Gus, who's actually lovely, and Drew and Sara bond over trite family issues and being sexy. After exhaustively describing their boring problems to one another they have life-affirming sex in a myriad of places and positions. Him on top, standing, her on top, done. Who knew it could be like this, they ask? Silly them, of course, because with Mills & Boon a romance is never made as straight-forward as it really is, and after two hundred pages of bad dialogue and euphemisms for Sara's vagina, they split despite being in love. Four pages later, though, everything has worked out fine, and they go back to the inane dialogue that they bonded over.
Blaze! supposedly cranks up the sex quota and Wild Child does indeed have more sex scenes than books from other genres, with the added liberty of being allowed to describe matters explicitly. Myers says penis when she means penis and there's even a hand-job in the ocean, under-taken because there are no condoms floating nearby. Obviously this pair holiday at very different beaches to the ones Bewildered Heart visits, for reading and other pleasures. Despite all the sex scenes, however, they are never embedded into the plot with any success, meaning each lengthy example is gratuitous, and never serves the novel beyond helping to achieve Myers' intended word-count. Sara and Drew's implied lifetime of wedded bliss has more to do with trust and empathy and less to do with Drew's inability to contain his throbbing manhood when inside Sara's heavenly warmth.
Sure, we readers appreciate being treated like adults when reading adult fiction, but no one with a discriminating mind will accept this nonsense as either entertaining, worthwhile or an unlikely hybrid of the two. Nothing happens and nothing matters. The issues raised by the characters through their conversations are not dealt with by the narrative. The status quo the story challenges was not worth keeping and is not affected by the decisions of Sara or Drew. If their actions have no impact on the plot why does the writer waste time following their actions? This isn't character-driven, it's forced by structure, as if the principles are stuck inside a romance novel and can't escape. Is this fate? they ask. No, Cindi Myers replies, it's Chapter Twelve so you're in love with each other now. We're racing to the end, and why, because, you stupid author, all you have is an ending.
No comments:
Post a Comment