Following on from Secrets Uncovered's discussion on opening chapters and cursed clichés, they move onto a different, but equally essential, first that is often riddled with clichés, the first time hero presses his lips against those of the heroine, melting her contempt and hostility into a womanly puddle of romantic fantasy. There are key incidents in a fictional relationship that must be realised credibly, compellingly and sometimes misogynistically to help a novel soar from being the work of an author with little knowledge of a good kiss to a book betrayed by poor plotting, lifeless characters and hackneyed dialogue, but with a really great scene of lip-locking about five chapters into it. Yet how do aspiring writers make the exchange of saliva sexy, exciting and not in the least bit disgusting? Fortunately, the editors of Mills & Boon are happy to offer the kind of advice we have grown accustomed to being disappointed by. 'Have you ever wondered why some first kisses leave you cold, while others are page-turningly, stomach-flippingly wonderful? Well we at Romance HQ have!' What a coincidence, because Bewildered Heart had just been thinking the same thing, so who knows how many others will also have been slightly curious for the sake of having something new to write about.
Now then, Anna Boatman, what is first and therefore most important? 'First, and most importantly - let the tension build! Anticipation is the key, and without it any kiss can never be more than a simple physical act. Compare kissing the man at the end of a first date who you quite like, to finally getting to kiss the man you’ve been fantasising about since you first saw him by the photocopier!' There is nothing more erotic than a billionaire tycoon who reproduces his own billionaire business papers, pushing those buttons, closing the lid and then perhaps running a hand through his luscious hair as the machine makes those illicit beeps and whirrs. What happens when the photocopier runs low on paper and toner, and he casually walks into the stationary cupboard? Go to him, Anna Boatman, you can punch the staple in his unruly pile of documents. 'By the time those lips come together, your readers should be absolutely desperate for the kiss and virtually able to hear the hero and heroine’s hearts pounding!' Quite right, and contractually relevant, as there is no going back once hero has kissed heroine and found her to taste just as she smells, looks and acts in social situations, of strawberries and with a hint of resentment. It is a combination no photocopier repairman can resist.
Nevertheless, there is no going back for the chosen couple once their novel has begun let alone once they have made out, or discovered their true identities, or discussed the shared tragedy of own back-stories over herbal tea onboard a private jet headed towards a Portuguese principality. While teasing may heighten temptations and eat up the word count, the act must also offer additional insight beyond revealing their physical infatuation is symptomatic of their emotional connection. 'Make the kiss characteristic. Since a great first kiss is the natural result of all the simmering tension between your hero and heroine, make sure that the moment itself reflects the dynamic you’ve been building.' Unlike the softcore pornography Mills & Boon is equated to, by those who have foolishly dedicated their time to pointing out comparisons between softcore pornography and Mills & Boon, the kiss and the sex scene sure to follow should drive the story forward, allowing the journeys of the characters to develop. While the kiss can never be anything less than ideal it does allow the author to challenge the protagonists expectations, as long as this has been foreshadowed by the narrative. Readers demand meaning behind every action and slip of the tongue. 'A kiss is much more than two sets of lips meeting - or it should be! A proper kiss, the kind of kiss that gave the Little Mermaid her voice back, gains its emotional power from its implications. To make the moment unforgettable, show your readers that for both characters, even if they don’t consciously realise it at the time, their first kiss means that nothing in their lives will ever be the same!'
For all her romantic bluster Anna Boatman forgets one pressing concern. Typically this transitory flash of passion occurs relatively early in the structure. For example, the standard Mills & Boon will take place over the course of anywhere between twelve and fifteen chapters, with the first kiss taking place slightly before the midway point. With the wheels of true love set firmly in motion therefore an author has a troublesome thirty-thousand words left to write, with only the promise of two sex scenes to bulk the remainder of their story. Does Secrets Uncovered cater for this glaring problem? ''Take your time with this scene, give it the attention it deserves and you’ll be rewarded with a kiss that does proper justice to your characters.' Anyone reading that can only possibly take it as a No, and for that reason all the points before it are rendered devoid of value. For the majority of Mills & Boon authors the first kiss is a scene of great significance for the reader, but only to the characters for the period of contact. Once the kiss is over so the chapter ends and the next begins with heroine and hero straight back to denying their lapse in judgement contained any meaning. Perhaps their feelings become harder to fight, but fight them they must, as internal conflict barely registers once all sense and decorum have been defeated by the electricity of stomach-flipping touch.
Secrets Uncovered claims their work on the subject is complete at this point, leaving Bewildered Heart to pick up the slack, once again. This superficial exploration of the first kiss is emblematic of Mills & Boon's simplistic story-telling. Their books set out every conflict within the blurb, signal the plot's intention by the cover photograph and have every issue solved by the overwhelming power of love, thus under-mining the moral dilemmas of the hero and heroine as irrational neuroses easily conquered by marriage. The kiss follows the initial brushing of hands as merely another step toward a happy ending, and therefore these instances become the structure. The characters meet and instantly fall in love due to their aesthetic appeal. This is emboldened by accidental physical contact and a handful of conversations to exemplify these two have functional personalities. They kiss as attraction overcomes them and then sleep together as if further proof of their emotional connection was needed. Shortly thereafter they conclude that whatever was stopping them from kissing and sleeping together without latent feelings of guilt and recrimination were not strong enough to cancel out their love. Finally they agree to spend the rest of their lives in the same location. What happens between these plot-points merely rehashes what has already been established in the punchy one paragraph concept. The kiss signifies the predictability of all that is to follow and extinguishes any final remnants of hope the reader might have had that this novel will keep them entertained until the photocopier starts malfunctioning once more.
Now then, Anna Boatman, what is first and therefore most important? 'First, and most importantly - let the tension build! Anticipation is the key, and without it any kiss can never be more than a simple physical act. Compare kissing the man at the end of a first date who you quite like, to finally getting to kiss the man you’ve been fantasising about since you first saw him by the photocopier!' There is nothing more erotic than a billionaire tycoon who reproduces his own billionaire business papers, pushing those buttons, closing the lid and then perhaps running a hand through his luscious hair as the machine makes those illicit beeps and whirrs. What happens when the photocopier runs low on paper and toner, and he casually walks into the stationary cupboard? Go to him, Anna Boatman, you can punch the staple in his unruly pile of documents. 'By the time those lips come together, your readers should be absolutely desperate for the kiss and virtually able to hear the hero and heroine’s hearts pounding!' Quite right, and contractually relevant, as there is no going back once hero has kissed heroine and found her to taste just as she smells, looks and acts in social situations, of strawberries and with a hint of resentment. It is a combination no photocopier repairman can resist.
Nevertheless, there is no going back for the chosen couple once their novel has begun let alone once they have made out, or discovered their true identities, or discussed the shared tragedy of own back-stories over herbal tea onboard a private jet headed towards a Portuguese principality. While teasing may heighten temptations and eat up the word count, the act must also offer additional insight beyond revealing their physical infatuation is symptomatic of their emotional connection. 'Make the kiss characteristic. Since a great first kiss is the natural result of all the simmering tension between your hero and heroine, make sure that the moment itself reflects the dynamic you’ve been building.' Unlike the softcore pornography Mills & Boon is equated to, by those who have foolishly dedicated their time to pointing out comparisons between softcore pornography and Mills & Boon, the kiss and the sex scene sure to follow should drive the story forward, allowing the journeys of the characters to develop. While the kiss can never be anything less than ideal it does allow the author to challenge the protagonists expectations, as long as this has been foreshadowed by the narrative. Readers demand meaning behind every action and slip of the tongue. 'A kiss is much more than two sets of lips meeting - or it should be! A proper kiss, the kind of kiss that gave the Little Mermaid her voice back, gains its emotional power from its implications. To make the moment unforgettable, show your readers that for both characters, even if they don’t consciously realise it at the time, their first kiss means that nothing in their lives will ever be the same!'
For all her romantic bluster Anna Boatman forgets one pressing concern. Typically this transitory flash of passion occurs relatively early in the structure. For example, the standard Mills & Boon will take place over the course of anywhere between twelve and fifteen chapters, with the first kiss taking place slightly before the midway point. With the wheels of true love set firmly in motion therefore an author has a troublesome thirty-thousand words left to write, with only the promise of two sex scenes to bulk the remainder of their story. Does Secrets Uncovered cater for this glaring problem? ''Take your time with this scene, give it the attention it deserves and you’ll be rewarded with a kiss that does proper justice to your characters.' Anyone reading that can only possibly take it as a No, and for that reason all the points before it are rendered devoid of value. For the majority of Mills & Boon authors the first kiss is a scene of great significance for the reader, but only to the characters for the period of contact. Once the kiss is over so the chapter ends and the next begins with heroine and hero straight back to denying their lapse in judgement contained any meaning. Perhaps their feelings become harder to fight, but fight them they must, as internal conflict barely registers once all sense and decorum have been defeated by the electricity of stomach-flipping touch.
Secrets Uncovered claims their work on the subject is complete at this point, leaving Bewildered Heart to pick up the slack, once again. This superficial exploration of the first kiss is emblematic of Mills & Boon's simplistic story-telling. Their books set out every conflict within the blurb, signal the plot's intention by the cover photograph and have every issue solved by the overwhelming power of love, thus under-mining the moral dilemmas of the hero and heroine as irrational neuroses easily conquered by marriage. The kiss follows the initial brushing of hands as merely another step toward a happy ending, and therefore these instances become the structure. The characters meet and instantly fall in love due to their aesthetic appeal. This is emboldened by accidental physical contact and a handful of conversations to exemplify these two have functional personalities. They kiss as attraction overcomes them and then sleep together as if further proof of their emotional connection was needed. Shortly thereafter they conclude that whatever was stopping them from kissing and sleeping together without latent feelings of guilt and recrimination were not strong enough to cancel out their love. Finally they agree to spend the rest of their lives in the same location. What happens between these plot-points merely rehashes what has already been established in the punchy one paragraph concept. The kiss signifies the predictability of all that is to follow and extinguishes any final remnants of hope the reader might have had that this novel will keep them entertained until the photocopier starts malfunctioning once more.
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