"Arise being the operative word, he admitted grimly"

In time to cash in on the New Voices competition the gals over at Romance Headquarters compiled a handy, free, download-only e-book entitled Secrets Uncovered – Blogs, Hints and the Inside Scoop from Mills & Boon Editors and Authors. There are fifty-five pages of suggestions for improving your story and fulfilling your life-long dream of writing for Harlequin. Those wishing to experience the advice and general frivolity for themselves need only download Secrets Uncovered onto their Adobe software, Kindles, digital devices or e-readers. However, for those neither technologically-aware nor Scientologists allow Bewildered Heart to walk you right through this computerized book from whatever passes for a front-cover online to whatever passes for a back-cover.

As the opening chapter deals with the well-traversed subject of character, we will begin with the equally important area of conflict and the first question a potential author would ask before they begin writing, What is an emotional conflict? According to the official Mills & Boon definition (Mills & Boon have their own official definitions of things) emotional conflict is, ‘The internal battle a character has to overcome something intrinsic to their personality that prevents their happy ending.’ There, when it is that straight-forward how come so many writers have troubled defining it? ‘This could be specific personality traits (lack of trust, a guarded heart) or motivations and aspirations.’

Mills & Boon strongly believe in the importance of internal emotional conflicts, and argue a book simply wouldn't be worth reading without any. Often authors are encouraged to come up with two, one for both heroine and hero. Typically the writer imbues their protagonists with standard neuroses such as vulnerability-refusal, sexual frigidity, arrogance, misogyny or work commitments. Yet occasionally a hopeful novelist will go beyond the archetypal afflictions and create a hindrance of depth and originality, and thus see their manuscript immediately rejected by the publishers.

Once you have explained to the reader that your heroine has been previously betrayed  and your hero is a man you have the necessary arcs to build your plot around, but if you believe your work with emotional conflict is complete your knowledge of writing and life is severely lacking. ‘Emotional conflict can also occur within a relationship, when a specific emotional situation – unexpected pregnancy, an arranged marriage, a curse or a dangerous situation – provides a further barrier to happiness.’ There are no emotional conflicts quite like an unexpected pregnancy, or a gypsy curse enforcing one hundred years of lycanthropy on your billionaire tycoon. However, these suggestions should be seen merely as physical machinations to further strengthen the already embedded dilemmas of the characters. If, for example, your heroine has difficulties with trust, loyalty and losing control imagine the dramatic journey she faces now a witch has turned her potential boyfriend into a werewolf.

This is reliable story-telling formula. Invent a character with a problem to solve, based upon a theme of your inclination, and assemble the narrative around the concept that most strongly challenges this intrinsic flaw, allowing the plot twists to offer genuine conflicts to resolve in order to achieve the most satisfying resolution. For romance fiction the contractual plot points, girl meets boy, a happy ending, are worked into a well-chosen subject matter. Once you're convinced your internal conflicts are powerfully dramatic enough for Mills & Boon what about your external conflicts, such as unexpected pregnancy or a voodoo hex? 'External conflicts – misunderstandings, circumstances or a secondary character's influence – should only be brought in as additional support to develop romance and plot. Allowing the focus to fall on to theme and plot is a common and easy trap to fall into.' Precisely, leave the exploration of theme to the professionals. However, before one begins typing there are a handful of questions you must work out the answers to.

'1. What draws them together?' For a moment ignore the external conflicts that cause your star-crossed lovers to meet, and concentrate on the emotional issues. It is all well and good drawing them together through hackneyed clichés such as one being a nurse caring for a plucky orphan and the other a chauvinistic sheik surgeon single-handedly building a log cabin for the family he no longer has, but what are the personal and physical qualities that cause the initial and ongoing attraction? What do they receive from the contact, and how are the beginnings of a relationship specifically both appealing and foreboding? The reader will be intrigued, unable to see how hero and heroine will ever reconcile their disputes, leave the past behind, find love and save a child's life.

'2. What keeps them apart?' Yes, what are the nagging psychological disturbances they suffer from that prevent them from finding the happiness, stability and mental health only marriage and offspring can bring? She maybe a sensitive, good-natured nurse, but her trusting nature has seen her hurt before, not least by her cruel, distant father and the way in which he treated her mother. How could she possibly fall for such an arrogant sheik surgeon with an icy bedside manner and ridiculously thick eyelashes? Despite her intense physical longing for his touch she must resist him to protect the fragility of her heart and the well-being of a brave, little orphan who desperately needs her attention now more than ever.

'3. What emotional obstacles do they encounter on the way?' Now you have your characters, scenario and location how do you develop the emotional journeys toward a gratifying culmination, rather than letting them meander like a Mills & Boon novel, padded tiresomely with sex scenes and the slow realisation of the sheik surgeon not being mean, conceited or dishonest, but rather misunderstood and a generous lover? How could she have had him so wrong, to think he refused to operate on a courageous orphan because he enjoys watching children slowly die, when in fact through secret, endless bouts of boardgames he had ascertained the kid was not strong enough to survive surgery and first would have to witness the power of love between medical colleagues.

'4. What are the turning points of the story going to be – positive and negative?' How do they overcome their differences, and what epiphanies and external conflicts occur to further the emotional arcs and bring them closer to the inevitable conclusion that they must surpass their doubts, and banish their destructive memories of busted romances and patriarchal abandonment not only for the sake of a gutsy orphan, but also for themselves. Now she has found the man of her dreams and seen him for who he really is, as no one else can see him, shouldn't she let down her defences, forgive her father and finally accept the all-consuming joy of matrimony?

'5. Why will the reader truly care about their happy ending?' Have you won over your audience with characters both credible and worthy of support? Does your hero leap from the page, shouting that despite building the log cabin using nothing but wood, nails and masculinity the empathy of a good woman and the pluckiness of an sickly orphan have proven to him he no longer wants to be a sheik surgeon hermit living alone in a log cabin in the woods, but rather a decent, caring sheik surgeon husband and father who has to sell a log cabin to pay for a three bedroom house, preferably in walking distance of a hospital?

If so far this combination of Mills & Boon insight and Bewildered Heart inspiration has failed to light a fire within you, gentle reader, how about a writing exercise sure to get those creative juices flowing? 'What story would you tell if your characters were trapped in one room for the entire book? Think of the emotional journey your hero and heroine would go on without any outside influences. How would you sustain the tension between the couple, build up to the highs and lows, when all they can do is talk to each other?’

That sounds as if it could be worth a try, but if you can only contemplate the fall-out of two people trapped in a room trying to find a way out of the room and wondering how they are trapped inside a room and whether anyone is coming to rescue them you are under-taking the assignment incorrectly. ‘We’re not going to lie, it’s a tough challenge – but no one said this was supposed to be easy,’ Secrets Uncovered reassures us. Yet that is not true, Romance HQ, everyone tells us that writing a Mills & Boon novel would be incredibly easy and haven't we been talking about writing one for nearly a year and a half already, so where is it, Bewildered Heart, where is this mythical novel you seem to always be on the verge of beginning? It is as if these helpful guides we keep reading, reviewing and learning from aren't helping at all.

"He shuddered even though there wasn't an air conditioner or fan in sight"

Mills & Boon has mustered all the pride they can manage for their product to announce this year's New Voices competition. For the first time in quite some time the publisher has made the newspaper headlines for non-detrimental reasons. Enough with the destructive qualities of their work, enough with the psychologically-traumatised women who only wished to read a nice, relaxing novel, but wound up cracking up and complaining their own husband wasn't named Buck Rodriguez. It is time Harlequin reached out and attempted to procure a few more admirers and writers to eventually psychologically-traumatise. New Voices sets out to discover the next big thing in romance authorship, where a judging panel and the public combine to vote on best opening chapters, second chapters and third chapters featuring a pivotal moment involving said characters, where presumably the heroine is horrified to learn that the gorgeous Hispanic stranger carrying her dog up a flight of stairs and the ruthless property developer determined to tear down her beloved former high school gymnasium are one and the same. Uh oh, Buck Rodriguez!

As we have learned many times before and proven in the previous paragraph, dreaming up romance scenarios is simple, but for those potential competition entrants still unsure how to proceed The Independent on Sunday has written a Blagger's Guide to Writing a Mills & Boon Novel, in order to help improve your chances of landing the coveted winner's spot. From the previous year's eight hundred entries, the champion, Leah Ashton, and two runners-up, Lucy Ellis and Louisa George, will, or have already seen, their efforts published. Who shall it be this time? Well, tempted yet trepidatious reader, have no worries as Bewildered Heart and, to a lesser extent, a national newspaper are here to help.

Let us begin with how New Voices works. First, authors submit their three chapters before the closing date of October tenth, and the judges select a short-list, from which Mills & Boon fans can read and vote for their favourites on the Romance is Not Dead website. The initial twenty authors chosen will be given a romance mentor to improve their decisive second and third chapters. From there four finalists will be singled out, and the eventual victor shall be announced from those four by the beginning of November. This lucky writer will be rewarded with a year working closely with a Mills & Boon editor, as she or he completes the remainder of the manuscript, which will then be published, to coincide with next year's event, and then forgotten about almost immediately.

The Independent, sensing further help was needed, sought the wisdom of Penny Jordan, who has been churning out romance fiction for over twenty-five years, selling ninety million copies of her one hundred and seventy books. If ever there was someone who might be able to offer valuable insights, it would be Penny Jordan, and so she did, revealing the five top tips of writing romance that only a professional romance writer would know, and that the rest of us could merely hopelessly guess at, mourning the inadequacies of our feeble brains.

Number One, 'Grab the reader's attention in the first line and introduce the hero and heroine by the end of the first page,' says Jordan, making a solid beginning to explain the importance of solid beginnings. Make the reader know they are reading from the outset. There is nothing worse than being thirty pages into a book before you realise it is a book you are staring at. Do not allow your target audience to gaze absent-mindedly at the words you have written. Have your words stand out and demand attention, possibly by utilising bold or a large font size for your novel's first letter. With your hero and heroine meeting within the opening few pages you have set up your story's focal point, these two characters have been brought together through fate and shall be kept together by plot contrivance, until they come to the inevitable conclusion there is no escape and agree to marry one another.

Number Two, 'Convincing dialogue is crucial. Speak it out loud to make sure that it sounds right and flows easily.' Do not let every Mills & Boon book fool you into thinking that cringe-worthy, unlikely dialogue is acceptable, because according to Penny Jordan, it is not acceptable. Reading it out loud is decent advice, however, although her statement needs amending with an appendage. After you have penned your believable dialogue for your incredulous series of ridiculous situations read it out loud quietly, and make sure no one is around who might be able to hear you.

Number Three, 'Sex = Sensuality, Emotion and a certain amount of X factor. Balance the physical aspects of any sex scenes with the emotional intensity of what the characters are feeling.' There were we thinking that Sex = No Sex + Lady, when the correct equation is in fact Sex = (Sensuality + Emotion) x X Factor. Who knew Mills & Boon authors could only think carnally through the use of technical sums? When Bewildered Heart becomes an old enough blog to discuss how to write a sex scene we will hope to explain how to put into practise the lessons Penny Jordan has tried to teach us. Until then, let us assume that emotional intensity means the heroine and hero react to love-making with intense emotions, resulting in some sort of conclusion that renders them emotionally drained, naked and sleepy. However, there is little need to worry about explicit desires as of yet, because you are still only completing your opening chapter and none of your characters should be doing anything more than denying their emotions at this point.

Number Four, 'There must be a strong element of conflict between the heroine and the hero, but they will come to value their love more than their differences. Restrict the plot to the hero and heroine; there is little room for secondary characters in a story of 50,000 words.' Ah, the unwritten Mills & Boon formula and how everyone understands it, while rejecting its very existence. Occasionally, and increasingly commonly, the structure hopes to resolve these conflicts through an emotional arc, where the differences that would at first have prohibited a relationship are conquered with each character teaching the other an important lesson, helping them get over their arrogance, shyness, neuroses, self-doubt or body issues. In Wild Child by Cindi Myers Drew and Sara had to overcome their utter stupidity and literal distance by accepting their idiotic behaviour and also one of them moving. Whereas in Cathy Williams' Bedded at the Billionaire's Convenience Georgie helped Pierre relax his attitude toward business, money and intelligent women while he taught her the joy of responsibilities by impregnating her with a baby.

Number Five, 'Believe in your characters, let them take over.' Not so much as to blur the line between reality and fantasy, mind, as we have already explained that kind of mental breakdown should only occur in the minds of your readers, but this standard piece of advice suggests writing a romance novel is not a short-lived whim, or a joke between friends, but actually a long-term commitment and consuming passion. You must love the genre and throw yourself fully into the act of reading and writing, conjuring up a man you would love to run into one day whilst walking past his luxurious mansion and a heroine you would be proud to call your friend. They must be real, credible and the perfect fit not only for one another, but also for your book. Of course, The Blagger's Guide and Mills & Boon have only given us one month before the deadline of their competition, so for the sake of saving time and getting on with writing this last one is probably best glossing over until you have finished.