Tuesday, 6 December 2011

“Sadie was acutely aware that beneath the robe he was naked – and male”

When we ran screaming from the pages of Taken by the Sheikh to the warm embrace of Secrets Uncovered, Prince al Drac'ar al Karim believed he had found the perfect temporary wife for his elder brother, Vere. Together they co-rule the desert paradise of Dhurahn, but are being forced into arranged marriages to strengthen ties between their neighbouring states. Their only option is to find dim-witted Western virgins to marry quickly and then divorce once the fathers of their arranged brides have found somebody else. For Drax the plan sounds flawless and all seems ideal when he meets young English businesswoman Sadie Murray. The only spanner in the works is his own spanner, which tightens his bolts whenever he sees or thinks about Sadie. However, Drax has betrothed her to Vere, and the sacred bond of twin brothers is not to be meddled with, especially not by some woman, no matter how adorable, smart and sexy she is. For Sadie her attraction to Drax is instant and startling, so she is willing to undertake the many ridiculous plot machinations it requires to bring her to Dhurahn in expensive clothes, mostly because she is a dim-witted Western virgin.

While Vere is conducting business deals abroad Drax has the small matter of entertaining Sadie and convincing her the real reason she has a room at the luxurious palace is because the rulers wish to build a financial centre in town and seek those with knowledge of such things to join their growing team. Without employment, money or her passport, because Drax stole it, Sadie sees little option but to accept the job offer. Slowly their sexual chemistry is explored over a plentiful array of sequences involving fleetingly-glimpsed male nudity, light frottaging and displays of arrogance and emotion.

With all going as predictably as possible, Sadie and Drax run into Jack Logan during a tour of an office building. Jack is in Dhurahn for commercial reasons, yet his wandering eye and insistence all women agree to either consensual sex or rape cause severe problems for Sadie, who rejected him years ago when they used to work together. Jack maintains a grudge and having complimented her vilely he begins to grope and kiss her in the atrium. Drax intervenes in timely fashion, but his faith in Sadie's innocence has been compromised. If she were a demure virgin suitable for Vere, how come she kisses Jack Logan with his hand on her breast and terrified look on her face?

Instead, Drax resolves, he will marry Sadie himself, because sluts are more his speed. Suddenly, without warning for reader or Sadie, the first sex scene begins, but alas, with a hand gripping Drax's penis Sadie's inexperience betrays her, forcing him to wonder if the Jack Logan-incident was as damning as it had initially appeared. He abandons the sexual enterprise and instead has a brief, yet enlightening, chat with Jack, where the conceited Brit conceitedly admits he likes to scare women who have spurned his advances by threatening them with violation, but always jokingly and only when they have it coming. How could Drax have mistaken Sadie for every other girl on the planet? He rushes back to the mansion for the second sex scene, this time working himself into a frenzy only to abandon things to propose marriage. Sadie breathlessly accepts, and consummation is put off until their wedding night.

Unbeknownst to Drax, Sadie and Vere have already met in one of the opulent gardens of the palace, where Vere witnessed her charms for himself. Unfortunately for him and soap opera fans, despite their striking similarities, Sadie did not feel her heart beat inside its chest wall, her nipples pebble, or her sex moisten, so she was all too aware this Drax-lookalike was not her Drax. Therefore he could either be Vere or one of those doubles all Middle Eastern leaders seem to have. As it turns out the man is Drax's amiable, but emotionally-reticent, twin brother. Suddenly the younger Prince's best laid plans are torn asunder, so he retreats to aloof disdain, to allow Sadie to forget him and marry Vere instead, as promised in the prologue.

Shortly thereafter comes that time of the year to celebrate the anniversary of the Oasis of Two Doves, where Dhurahn's independence was first declared, at an oasis with a pair of doves. Typical of everything concerning this fictional Arab state the festivities are expansive and sand-swept, but sadly for Sadie and the servants of the party the entertainment must be cut short, due to a violent, incoming storm. Thinking this is as good an opportunity to confront Drax as she is likely to get, Sadie heads for his tent, only to be beaten to the punch by Vere, who has also decided an important conversation comes before fleeing certain death. Sadie has entered through a side tent-door, but is immediately trapped by a parked four-by-four. With no choice but to stay and overhear the twin brothers' discussion she misconstrues Drax's sarcastic comment, not made in his native tongue for reasons that are not entirely clear, about he and Vere sharing Sadie for their sexual pleasure, swapping her back and forth, turning her over only once one side gets stained.

Sadie scarpers, out through the side-door she was unable to get out through moments before, just in time to miss the next sentence, where the brothers clarify that sharing Sadie was not at all what they intend. Instead it is decided that Drax marry her, because while Vere thinks she the perfect wife he simply means perfect for Drax. You see, Sadie? They said innocent, complimentary things about you. Where are you going? Surely you're not about to steal a range rover and head straight into the sand-storm, desiring either to escape or die in the process. Wait, you are going to steal a range rover and head straight into the sand-storm, no doubt to crash into a bank of sand and hurt yourself. Oh, what a big, tragic confusion, and so close to the final chapter.

Drax heads off into the howling wind and sand, finding Sadie groggily semi-conscious and bleeding from the head. They return to the tent Vere considerately left for them to face the consequences of abandoning a threesome, while ignoring the head injury Sadie has suffered. Sensing the need to apologise and rectify the dire situation with a few words of explanation, Drax and Sadie strip naked and take to his bed, concluding that if they are about to die engulfed in sand, then waiting for their wedding night is an empty symbolic gesture. Soon the storm has ceased, Sadie has been filled with exquisite, tingly pleasure and Drax has left a baby in her belly. Penny Jordan marries them as something of an afterthought and then leaves them alone in their palatial bedroom quarters confessing undying love and hopefully finding out one or two personal things about each other, if they have character traits, that is, because the narrative failed to mention any.

So ends Taken by the Sheikh, a classic Mills & Boon Modern Romance, devoid of theme, romance, modernism or editing. With a tedious, contrived plot, a listless heroine, two-dimensional hero and atrocious prose style there were no redeeming features and no insights into why sheikhs are popular when they are nothing more than a synonym for billionaire in a slightly altered outfit. Previously, in a post concerning The Blagger's Guide, we referenced Penny Jordan's five tips for writing. Lamentably for her readers, Jordan was unable to follow her own straightforward advice, failing to introduce both hero and heroine by the end of the first page, and having a bland opening line, 'So the negotiations went well, then?' What kind of credible author begins a sentence with, 'So'?

Furthermore, her dialogue never convinces, the sex scenes gloss over sensuality and emotional intensity, instead insisting on lazy clichés and awkward euphemisms, while the protagonists are simplistic stereotypes of the genre. He the sheikh, arrogant, intelligent, but a deeply sensitive fool when it comes to matters of the heart. She the timid virgin with no personality, in the throes of servitude to male potency. Finally Jordan skimped on the conflict, her mismatched pair entirely made for each other, and both looking for love and a long-term commitment, although neither would have admitted it when the story began. Instead the author uses devices she swears against, the secondary character and two hokey misunderstandings. Where were the differences each had to overcome, where was the emotional development and what happened to the arcs? Finally, how has Penny Jordan been allowed to get away with this for so long?

No comments:

Post a Comment